He answered on the first ring.
“You okay,” he asked, concern coating his words.
“Yeah,” I sobbed.
“Hey, what happened,” he cooed.
“Daniel and I got in a fight. I took some of my shit with me and left. Now, I’m just sitting in my car.”
“Why don’t you come here for the night? There’s an extra bedroom if you want. I can even meet you somewhere if you don’t want to drive all the way back out here,” he offered.
“Thank you. You’re very sweet, but only for a night. And I’ll have to leave early. I have classes in the morning.”
I acted like I was making the rules but I knew damn well that I was playing with the hand that he had dealt me.
“Okay. I’ll see you when you get here,” he said. Then he hung up.
The whole drive I could feel the tug of war in my heart. The duel sides were pulling equally. I began not to be able to decipher what I wanted, who I wanted, what was what. It was all muddling together into chaos. A headache was already beginning to form. Another headache awaited Daniel’s call later tonight to ask where I am and then get mad when I tell him I’m staying the night with my parents (Good thing he hates my parents with a passion so he will never go there).
I pulled into the driveway hesitantly, praying that this wasn’t a mistake and something that I would regret for the rest of my life. I shut my ignition off, turned off my lights, and grabbed my things. I felt like a child being walked to their other parents home for the weekend, only without someone holding my hand.
I took a deep breath and then knocked. I held my inhale while I heard him approach the door.
He was wrapped only in a towel. Evidence of diet change and exercise was evident. The once tall, semi-chubby boy that used to go to McDonald’s at midnight and eat two large fries to himself was very fit. Not show-offy enough to be cocky, but definitely could see the pride. He looked great.
“Hannah, you okay?”
I blinked and realized that I was gawking at his toweled region.
“Huh? Yeah, sorry. I’m just really tired. Today wore me out,” I mumbled.
He opened the door wider for me and took a few of my bags, allowing me to enter. I walked ahead but stopped a few feet in.
“Where do you want me to put these?”
He shut the door with his foot. It was a miracle that the towel didn’t fall off, I thought to myself.
He led me upstairs to his guest room. Even this room was beautiful. It was a light, pale yellow with sunflower curtains and bedspread. A white, wooden nightstand next to the Full bed. Simple but cozy.
“Thank you. I do appreciate it,” I said, setting my bags on the bed.
“No problem. Well, while you’re getting settled in, I’m going to go get some clothes on,” he said, gesturing to his room.
I nodded and smiled.
I sat on the bed and thought, well I’m here. Now what? What was my game plan? Did I even have one? What am I even doing here?
Panic pulsed through my veins, repeating over and over again, “Get out.” I s tarted wringing my hands, filled with uncertainty.
Surely, this will only end in heartbreak and complete ruin of my life. Tomorrow, I will have to go home to Dan and hope that he will take me back. Get back to my “normal” life with a certain ending.
Morning, I told myself. I laid down on the bed and started scrolling through my feeds, trying to keep my mind off of things.
I must have fallen asleep in the process because I woke to a knock at the bedroom door. I noticed that it was dark out now, so I had to have been asleep for a few hours. I sat up and said, “Yeah?” I tried to smooth out my hair, hoping it didn’t look like a bird’s nest.
He peaked his head around the corner and said, “You okay? I figured you would be up here a while but didn’t expect it to be two hours.”
“Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. It just happened.”
“Don’t worry about it. I know you were tired. And it’s fine if you want to keep sleeping, I won’t bother you. I just wanted to see what you were up to and to ask if you wanted to watch Twilight Zone with me,” he offered.
“You still watch that old show?”
“Always. Haven’t found another show to match its brilliance,” he retorted.
Downstairs he had the lights turned low to a realizing glow. Coffee table had different snacks lined up: pretzels, chips, popcorn, various boxes of movie candy, A 2 liter of Sprite and a pint of Grey Goose vodka.
We were getting drunk tonight, I thought, excitedly. This is exactly what I needed after today.
I sat on the left side of the couch and he sat on the right. I leaned away from him and into the arm rest, praying that I don’t nod off again.
He pushed play and poured some vodka into a glass and took a huge swig. No chaser. He swallowed without even blinking. Then he motioned that it was my turn.
I sighed and poured a shot or two into the glass and was about to pour in the Sprite when he said, “Pussy…at least use it as a chaser.” I shook my head no. “Pleeeeaaassee,” he begged. I gave in and rolled my eyes.
I took about two shots before I chased at all. My throat was raw and felt like it was bleeding. My stomach was warm like I just had some soup on a winter day. I felt amazing. What was I worrying about? I really couldn’t remember.
I took a few more swigs before I laid back into the couch, waiting for the warm bubbles to fill every cell in my body. I was free.