Average is one of the first things my boyfriend called me.
He said and I quote, “You’re pretty, but not that pretty. You’re average.”
He knew me 4 days and knew that I was average in more ways than looks.
Sometimes I feel like such a low level average person that I wonder why I am even alive. There is nothing that I can do amazingly well.
What is an average persons purpose in life?
But my issue is, I must be a special kind of average because even regular average people have friends.
Me. I don’t have real friends. I have people who use me for things. At school, I have “friends” who I talk to like real friends would, but we don’t text or hang out. The only time they text is to make sure that we didn’t have homework. When the semester is over, I won’t hear from them until they have another school related question.
I don’t know why I don’t have real friends. I’m awkward to talk to. I share a little much. I get annoyed at people and push the few candidates who try to befriend me.
Truth is, I’m just a loner. A loner is average. I can’t even be a loner properly because I am not choosing to be alone anymore. I pathetically desire human contact, friends, someone to listen, to prioritize me and care about me and not tell me to shut up because they don’t care about what I’m saying.
And, I guess, that’s why I made this blog. I don’t have people who care to listen to what I have to say. I could tell my family but to them I’m someone else. Plus my own family doesn’t always care about what I have to say. Ever since I was little people have been telling me to shut up. Even my own mother.
NO ONE CARES ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!
You may be thinking, “Oh, well, what about your asshole boyfriend that called you average?”
Yeah….He doesn’t care either. I used to tell him about my day at work until he said, “Shut up. I don’t care. I don’t know these people, so I don’t want to hear about them.” He doesn’t talk to me much anymore. I ask him to text me when I’m away and he refuses.
Am I really that horrible to hold a conversation with?
My boyfriend tells me that I don’t know how to speak, how to talk to people. I guess I’m even average when I speak.
Only until recently the loneliness started bothering me.
Maybe low level average people are just put here on Earth to guide the not average people to achieving their dreams. Used as a stepping stool. Our purpose isn’t clear or the same for everyone. Sometimes I wonder how long it will take until I can finish my purpose and return home. Then I won’t be lonely anymore and someone might care…