Anyone who has read my past posts, knows that I have a low self-esteem. And this one is nothing different.
I’m sitting at my boyfriend’s work because he got called in last minute. I come in to see the waitresses that he works with and essentially to see if any are threatening to me. I don’t care if he says he doesn’t check out other women because that is a bold face bullshit lie. Men look at women all the time, married or not.
I don’t like him working with mostly attractive women that he has even commented on a couple times before. Plus, all they do is wear leggings, so he probably stares at their asses all day/night.
Also, he has a history of trading an older model for a younger one. I’m the latest model, but in 5 months I will no longer a minor and it is due in time that he trades me in for another 19 year old. Which, eventually he may grow up from 19 year olds and maybe move to 20-21 year olds, so I should have a couple more years.
But he seems to like small, skinny, redheads with big butts. Which I am really none of those things except a redhead. He calls me fat. I’m kinda short. And he says hes seen better asses.
Well, there’s this 16 year old now that fits the description and it makes me paranoid. He has been like looking at her and stuff. It makes me paranoid that she is like a better, younger version of me that he might like better. He says he doesn’t know how to flirt, but I really don’t believe him.
It honestly just makes me nauseous and want to like starve myself until I’m skinny enough for him. Or something so that way he will only want me. It makes me want to distance myself from him and I can easily do that. I have practice withdrawing myself.
We probably won’t even make it anyway. Too many differences and misunderstandings. Why keep fooling myself that things are okay? He could find a replacement for me in no time. He doesn’t need me anyway.