We all know that one song that will take us back to that one special night, with those special people. Emotions and memories flood back, making it nearly impossible to remain in the present. Things that you haven’t thought about in years return, things you didn’t even know that you remembered!
For me that one song is “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder. And anyone who knows that song, knows that it doesn’t have a very good meeting. It is literally about a man talking to his mistress when his wife/ girlfriend wasn’t around. Not really something you want to think about.
Especially, when this was your first “Our song” with your first boyfriend at your first dance that played during your first slow dance.
I know it is a lot of firsts, but I think that is why I feel so strongly about it.
So, let’s go back to 2011. I’m in 8th grade. I had a small, end of the day study hall with this special dude. I didn’t know he was special yet. I was just happy that he was talking to me and I might have a guy friend like I’ve always wanted, not even a boyfriend. Oh, and my mom and his mom started to work together at the same school, coincidentally. So…we became pretty close that year, but neither of us wanted to break the friend zone we didn’t intend to build.
My one friend could see through our visage and took the leap for us. And that is how he became my first ever date to my first ever real fancy dance: The 8th grade formal. The whole process was interesting, all the way from buying the monkey tickets with candy bananas attached to getting our pictures taken. We had fun. I danced with friends and watched all of my classmates dance and have fun.
My date and I sat in the back and talked like we did in study hall. I asked why we park on driveways but drive on parkways. And why it is called a pair of pants when it is one set? It is not 2 pants. Why do we call hamburgers hamburgers when they are made from beef (Thankfully, I did get the answer to the question)?
Then when the only slow dance was coming up, I got nervous. I ran to the bathroom and puked. I missed half of… “Lips of an Angel”. I thought for sure that he was dancing with the other girl who tried to steal him away from me, but as I ran through the crowd looking for him. He showed up. He tapped me on the shoulder and, guys, it was seriously such a magical moment. I turned around in what felt like slow motion and the next thing that I knew was that I was in his arms, dancing. It was really nice. Then after that dance, I kissed him on the cheek and waited for him to officially ask me out (2 months later).
I’m not going to bore you guys with the details of our confusing romance, but if you would like to hear about that summer, let me know and I can elaborate one day.
But after being off and on for 3 years, I let him go for someone who treated me like shit and this guy will probably be the only guy to treat me properly and be that respectful. I crushed him. He tried to keep me, but as a dumb ass I pushed him away. I pissed him off to where he was convinced that I had cheated on him with this guy (who I did end up dating). So, yeah, basically, I’ve been a shitty person since then. I pushed away the one guy that had the same values and morals and a decent family who did anything for me. They still wish me happy birthday and it has been like 5 or more years since I let him get away.
Before Alex, I was convinced that I would always love this boy. I always felt a small tugging towards him still. Then, I was sure that Alex cured me of my love for this kid. And, even now, I still get swept back to 2011-2014 when this boy had my back and was honest and loving as a 15 year old can be. But, I wasn’t happy with him. He was what everyone expected me to marry and be with. I wanted something more exciting and adventurous. This guy was the safety net of security. I wanted to live on the edge.
Now, I see him with this now long time girlfriend and I see all of the places that they go together (Places we were supposed to go to) and how he treats her and smiles in pictures. I can’t help but think I helped him become that way or that should be me that he is treating that way, not her. I let him go and he is happier now. I have to live with that. It was my fault.