The perfect weekend ended and I had to face the heart-wrenching truth: I still had a boyfriend. I wasn’t guilty for what I did. In my mind, I’ve been single for months. I was planning on breaking up with him, I really was. I was waiting for the right time, but it seemed the right time never came. I got to the point when I didn’t care if we talked or even saw each other. He repulsed me and I couldn’t pretend to love him.
I told him that I didn’t want to hang out that night. I didn’t want to see him and I wanted to see Alex again. I told him that I had plans with my best friend. He said okay and then hours later he asked what he did. I told him nothing, which was partly true. After he kept hammering me with questions, I told him that we needed a break, he needed to do him and I needed to do me. He stormed away, but kept texting me in class. He kept telling me that we could work things out, he would fix everything, and everything. As much as I wanted to cave, I didn’t. He asked to see me after class to talk about things; I agreed. I told him he couldn’t yell at me.
The scary thing was how calm he was. He was hurt, but hopeful. I told him the truth that I fell out of love with him. He didn’t believe me. He kept asking me who I was seeing. I told him. He kept saying that if I left Alex, he would drop it. I could even talk to him if I wanted, but not seeing him. I said no. I had to see Alex. He asked if I would give him a shot until the end of the semester. I said no. I told him that he had a week to make me love him again. I told him I needed to think about things. He seemed generally okay, which kinda made things worse. He just cried. He didn’t yell. It hurt so bad that I cried in math.
I met up with Alex that night, so he could help me feel better. While we were out eating, I got a series of nasty texts from him. He screamed at me and called me a whore and that he hated me. I tried not answering him, but he would say, “What am I not good enough for a response?” Shortly after he would apologize.
This went on every day. He would scream at me and call me names, then turn around and apologize. Tuesday and Thursday was the worst. Those were the days we were alone. I dropped our friends off at their classes, and he didn’t have any classes yet. He would continue to talk to me about it,trying to win my heart. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he didn’t stand the chance. By Thursday, he knew he was wasting his energy. He was trying to guilt me into being with him by telling me that he wasn’t sleeping or eating or anything. When he saw it didn’t phase me, he got pissed and said that it wasn’t me, that the real me would care about him. When he heard my phone vibrate, he punched my dashboard. He heard my reminder and with spit flying, started screaming at my phone. I told him to get to class. He tells me to drive him to his building. I did. Then that’s when things got really concerning. He continued to yell at me, scream at me and call me names. He told me that I was selfish for cheating on him. He wanted me to tell everyone that I cheated; he wants everyone to know. He told me that I didn’t deserve to be happy. He said that someone should have screamed at me sooner and maybe I wouldn’t be like this. The worst part is that he was screaming inches from my face. I just wanted the conversation to be over, so I wasn’t even looking at him. I couldn’t help but start to cry. He thought I was starting to laugh at him…I told him to get to class. Finally, he did.
He stayed away from me after that. I don’t know where he went,but none of us missed him. It was kind of peaceful. He did text me to apologize, but he tried to blame it on the stages of grief. I told him it’s fine if he wants to talk to me, but he can’t scream at me. He said I’m the only person I could talk to. Then I called him to see if he was done with class so we could leave early. I accidentally told him that I loved him at the end of the conversation. Our mouths dropped. He said, “Don’t say that to me.” I said, “I didn’t mean it.Bye.” That was horrible!
Thankfully, I didn’t have to see him the next day because he didn’t have any classes because spring break is this week. I don’t have to see him for almost two weeks! Hopefully, things get better these next few weeks with him.
Now if only we can keep things under wraps at work…wild fires spread quickly…