For a week now I haven’t been eating much. It isn’t intentional at all. I just can’t eat anything. My body doesn’t want food. Sometimes it actually gets to the point where I get nauseous if I eat and sometimes throw up. I get around 500-1000 calories a day. I eat a little bit of something once a day. I can’t help it! I’m not trying. It’s not like I am purposely “starving” myself. I’m just not hungry.
Most people are really worried about me. I am losing a little over a pound A DAY! Which is why they are so concerned. I lost about 5-6 pounds last week that I could see. Some people say that it’s my body and I can do with it as I wish, just as long as I don’t get hospitalized.
Yesterday I only really had a whole lot of sugar and a little bit of Au Gratin Potatoes. I was jumping around work like crazy, but I was so nauseous! I gagged so hard that it made me dizzy and I felt like I was gonna throw up. I went outside for a little bit for air. They are weird about crew eating food and they were practically throwing sandwiches at me to eat. My one manager called me borderline anorexic, which is absurd. I’m eating. I’m not purposely doing anything to myself. I’m just enjoying the weight loss I’ve been praying for for years! This is the best that I’ve felt about myself in years!
This isn’t a new thing for me. In 8th grade, the same thing happened to me. I didn’t realize it until my pants started falling off of me. I lost 25 pounds in a year by complete accident. It got to the point that I picked like a bird for about 2 years. I ate really healthy and not a lot. I was so beautiful! I loved myself back then. I was so skinny. I couldn’t lay on my stomach without bruising my ribs or hip bones. It was great !
This isn’t something intentional. My body just has to do it’s thing right now. I can’t change that. If I try to eat when it doesn’t want me to then I will just vomit. I had to force feed the potatoes down yesterday while gagging.
I’m okay though. I don’t see why everyone is so worried. I can’t control my body.