Today in Intro to Poetry my professor said, “Don’t neglect the divine within you” as he explained in great detail about how poets don’t have a choice but to be poets. He went on to tell us about Zeus and his nine daughters and how they were his muse, and so on.
I don’t know exactly where he got this quote if it even is one. I tried finding it online, but I can’t. The closest is from the Bible in 1 Timothy 4:14.
For years this has been whispered in my ear and I feel that it is a sign of some sort.
I used to sing. I was in my church and school choir for about four years. I pretty much hated it. I liked the idea of singing and being able to say that I could sing. I did three solos at church and I was a little celebrity. But, in reality, I hated choir with a passion. For three years it tormented me and plagued me. Every Sunday, Christmas, and spring I would panic the whole week before.
“Only a few more days until I have to perform,” I would think to myself. I could never enjoy myself fully.
That was the proudest my mother has ever been of me, I think. She would call me her “little song bird” every time I stood up to get on stage. Then when I was on stage I would get dizzy and would hide behind my binder gagging. It was really embarrassing!
Finally I just quit.After I left the middle school, I didn’t join high school choir or return to the church choir either. My mom was really annoyed with me that I wasn’t going to be her “song bird” anymore. She found her new “song bird” when my sister joined the band.
Five years later I am glad that I didn’t join or stick with it. I had enough of the suffering and knew that I wasn’t meant to be a singer.
Every now and then I will get an invitation to come back from church, but I politely say no. Whenever the sermon was about not using your talents I would always get stern looks from the pastor. I know that they wished I still sang, but it’s not for me. I’m not exactly sure what my talent is, but I know I am using it.
I really think that I’m meant to teach children and, hopefully, spark their interest in reading. I am a very motherly person, always have been. To me, teachers should be like parents, firm and disciplinary while knowing when to show compassion and empathy. I may be the mother or parental figure that some kids never had. Maybe even one day I’ll get published as a way to use my gifts. I don’t know. I have no idea what God has in store for me. I know that I will find out one day.